Geani - growing up
Sunday, April 16, 2006
When you decide and when you don’t decide
Sometimes you don’t get to decide upon your future. In these moments I would describe my state of mind as a mix of energy with laughter, incapacity to concentrate and be coherent combined with deep thoughts and peace. Yes, it’s having emotions, being nervous, not being in control. At the beginning I even dream about the possibilities to be one way or another. I dream at night, I mean. Those kind of dreams that are absurd but in the same time have a beginning…some action happening and some end.
But now I feel peaceful. As Gabiza would say, Nicu Alifantis is singing in one of my ears :)…or if it is to be some international singer maybe Alexi Murdoch or Moby or De Phazz :):):). It’s kind of difficult when you want something really bad, to be calm and to get out of the process with your mind and soul intact.
At the beginning it was about being as prepared as I could, to give the best and the most sincere image of me. To be fully me. Then it was about controlling the emotions and to give the rapid, true, best answers. And then….it was about waiting. From this moment I felt that I don’t get to decide anymore. OK, so if I don’t get to decide then what am I supposed to do? To just wait? This is how I thought it should be. Because sometimes “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE”.
Well…this is what I believed deep down, in my soul, even though if you would have asked me, I would have answered as in Covey’s theory: “Between stimulus and answer is the response – ability. Your ability to choose how you want to answer.”
But in this process, of waiting and of feeling insecure about my future I managed somehow to GET TO DECIDE, and to feel peaceful. I designed an ALTERNATIVE FUTURE. For the first time, I designed an alternative future that I could really believe that seems realistic, that is fulfilling.
I found out that actually YOU ALWAYS GET TO DECIDE...
Life is standing in front of me asking me to play. I am gladly and peacefully taking the challenge.
...signed,
Geani...still growing up :)
But now I feel peaceful. As Gabiza would say, Nicu Alifantis is singing in one of my ears :)…or if it is to be some international singer maybe Alexi Murdoch or Moby or De Phazz :):):). It’s kind of difficult when you want something really bad, to be calm and to get out of the process with your mind and soul intact.
At the beginning it was about being as prepared as I could, to give the best and the most sincere image of me. To be fully me. Then it was about controlling the emotions and to give the rapid, true, best answers. And then….it was about waiting. From this moment I felt that I don’t get to decide anymore. OK, so if I don’t get to decide then what am I supposed to do? To just wait? This is how I thought it should be. Because sometimes “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE”.
Well…this is what I believed deep down, in my soul, even though if you would have asked me, I would have answered as in Covey’s theory: “Between stimulus and answer is the response – ability. Your ability to choose how you want to answer.”
But in this process, of waiting and of feeling insecure about my future I managed somehow to GET TO DECIDE, and to feel peaceful. I designed an ALTERNATIVE FUTURE. For the first time, I designed an alternative future that I could really believe that seems realistic, that is fulfilling.
I found out that actually YOU ALWAYS GET TO DECIDE...
Life is standing in front of me asking me to play. I am gladly and peacefully taking the challenge.
...signed,
Geani...still growing up :)
posted by Geani, 3:41 PM
2 Comments:
hey Geani,
John here from Australia, just found your blog and I thought Iwould drop in and say hi,
cheers
W
John here from Australia, just found your blog and I thought Iwould drop in and say hi,
cheers
W
hey John,
nice to hear from you!
Geani
nice to hear from you!
Geani
