Geani - growing up
Friday, April 21, 2006
Eu sunt un om pe niste scari...
În lumea plina de urmari, eu sînt un om pe niste scari.
În sus ce e? În jos nimic. În jos ce e? În sus nimic.
Vorbesc cu ceilalti care-au fost si-n sus si-n jos si unde zic,
Eu însumi spun de locurile pe unde-am fost nu e nimic.
Vecinul meu praseste ciori, vecina mea praseste farduri,
Eu sunt un om pe niste scari, si-un câine bulucind prin garduri.
Eu sunt un om pe niste scari, si-un câine bulucind prin garduri.
Daca de mai multe ori, caci ce pot fi aceste garduri,
Decât cazute foste scari, decât cazute foste garduri.
Decât cazute foste scari, decât cazute foste garduri.
Vecine, domnule, straine! nu înteleg ce-aveti cu mine,
Stiu, scarile ne sînt comune, dar trec atât de rar pe-aici,
Portarul însusi poate spune ca am ambitii foarte mici.
Portarul însusi poate spune ca am ambitii foarte mici.
Din când în când mai vin pe-acasa, de ce va suparati când vin?
Arare talpa mea apasa pe dalele cu pasi straini.
Arare talpa mea apasa pe dalele cu pasi straini.
Vecinul meu praseste ciori, vecina mea praseste farduri,
Abia m-am ridicat din garduri, si mârâind în joase salturi, eu sînt un om pe niste scari.
Si mârâind în joase salturi, eu sînt un om pe niste scari.
Si daca vreti sa fiu-n balada, si fiindca eu nu am o stea,
Accept, râvnesc, visez sa cada un corb nervos la moartea mea.
Accept, râvnesc, visez sa cada un corb nervos la moartea mea.
Si-acuma, va implor, zâmbiti, în lumea plina de urmari,
Voi care fard si ciori prasiti, întunecati si spalaciti, lasati-ma sa fiu pe scari.
Întunecati si spalaciti, lasati-ma sa fiu pe scari.
În sus ce e? În jos nimic. În jos ce e? În sus nimic.
Vorbesc cu ceilalti care-au fost si-n sus si-n jos si unde zic,
Eu însumi spun de locurile pe unde-am fost nu e nimic.
Vecinul meu praseste ciori, vecina mea praseste farduri,
Eu sunt un om pe niste scari, si-un câine bulucind prin garduri.
Eu sunt un om pe niste scari, si-un câine bulucind prin garduri.
Daca de mai multe ori, caci ce pot fi aceste garduri,
Decât cazute foste scari, decât cazute foste garduri.
Decât cazute foste scari, decât cazute foste garduri.
Vecine, domnule, straine! nu înteleg ce-aveti cu mine,
Stiu, scarile ne sînt comune, dar trec atât de rar pe-aici,
Portarul însusi poate spune ca am ambitii foarte mici.
Portarul însusi poate spune ca am ambitii foarte mici.
Din când în când mai vin pe-acasa, de ce va suparati când vin?
Arare talpa mea apasa pe dalele cu pasi straini.
Arare talpa mea apasa pe dalele cu pasi straini.
Vecinul meu praseste ciori, vecina mea praseste farduri,
Abia m-am ridicat din garduri, si mârâind în joase salturi, eu sînt un om pe niste scari.
Si mârâind în joase salturi, eu sînt un om pe niste scari.
Si daca vreti sa fiu-n balada, si fiindca eu nu am o stea,
Accept, râvnesc, visez sa cada un corb nervos la moartea mea.
Accept, râvnesc, visez sa cada un corb nervos la moartea mea.
Si-acuma, va implor, zâmbiti, în lumea plina de urmari,
Voi care fard si ciori prasiti, întunecati si spalaciti, lasati-ma sa fiu pe scari.
Întunecati si spalaciti, lasati-ma sa fiu pe scari.
(Pasarea Colibri - Un om pe niste scari)
Sunday, April 16, 2006
When you decide and when you don’t decide
Sometimes you don’t get to decide upon your future. In these moments I would describe my state of mind as a mix of energy with laughter, incapacity to concentrate and be coherent combined with deep thoughts and peace. Yes, it’s having emotions, being nervous, not being in control. At the beginning I even dream about the possibilities to be one way or another. I dream at night, I mean. Those kind of dreams that are absurd but in the same time have a beginning…some action happening and some end.
But now I feel peaceful. As Gabiza would say, Nicu Alifantis is singing in one of my ears :)…or if it is to be some international singer maybe Alexi Murdoch or Moby or De Phazz :):):). It’s kind of difficult when you want something really bad, to be calm and to get out of the process with your mind and soul intact.
At the beginning it was about being as prepared as I could, to give the best and the most sincere image of me. To be fully me. Then it was about controlling the emotions and to give the rapid, true, best answers. And then….it was about waiting. From this moment I felt that I don’t get to decide anymore. OK, so if I don’t get to decide then what am I supposed to do? To just wait? This is how I thought it should be. Because sometimes “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE”.
Well…this is what I believed deep down, in my soul, even though if you would have asked me, I would have answered as in Covey’s theory: “Between stimulus and answer is the response – ability. Your ability to choose how you want to answer.”
But in this process, of waiting and of feeling insecure about my future I managed somehow to GET TO DECIDE, and to feel peaceful. I designed an ALTERNATIVE FUTURE. For the first time, I designed an alternative future that I could really believe that seems realistic, that is fulfilling.
I found out that actually YOU ALWAYS GET TO DECIDE...
Life is standing in front of me asking me to play. I am gladly and peacefully taking the challenge.
...signed,
Geani...still growing up :)
But now I feel peaceful. As Gabiza would say, Nicu Alifantis is singing in one of my ears :)…or if it is to be some international singer maybe Alexi Murdoch or Moby or De Phazz :):):). It’s kind of difficult when you want something really bad, to be calm and to get out of the process with your mind and soul intact.
At the beginning it was about being as prepared as I could, to give the best and the most sincere image of me. To be fully me. Then it was about controlling the emotions and to give the rapid, true, best answers. And then….it was about waiting. From this moment I felt that I don’t get to decide anymore. OK, so if I don’t get to decide then what am I supposed to do? To just wait? This is how I thought it should be. Because sometimes “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE”.
Well…this is what I believed deep down, in my soul, even though if you would have asked me, I would have answered as in Covey’s theory: “Between stimulus and answer is the response – ability. Your ability to choose how you want to answer.”
But in this process, of waiting and of feeling insecure about my future I managed somehow to GET TO DECIDE, and to feel peaceful. I designed an ALTERNATIVE FUTURE. For the first time, I designed an alternative future that I could really believe that seems realistic, that is fulfilling.
I found out that actually YOU ALWAYS GET TO DECIDE...
Life is standing in front of me asking me to play. I am gladly and peacefully taking the challenge.
...signed,
Geani...still growing up :)
Sunday, April 02, 2006
I just wanted to live what I was naturally becoming. Why was this so hard to do?
“I just wanted to live what
I was naturally becoming.
I was naturally becoming.
Why was this so hard to do?”
...Here is what Hesse says, in English also. I hope the meaning is not altered by my translation.
“To tell my story, I have to start from far away, back in time, from the beginning. I should, if possible, go very far back in time, in the first years of my childhood, and even further, when I was born.
When writing novels, the poets use to act like they would be God and they could understand from one glance the entire story of a person, trying to tell it like God would tell it to himself, without details in its essential traits. This is impossible for me as it is for the poets also.
But, my story is more valuable than the one of a poet; because is mine, and it is the story of a real being, not one of an imagined one, of a possible one, of an ideal one or any other one’s, but it is the story of a flesh and blood being, unique and alive.
Today we know less than ever what is that a real human being, and this is how human beings, that are each a priceless, unique try of the nature, are shot and killed in crowds. If we would only be unique individuals, if we could be really taken out of this world with a single gunfire, than it would make no sense to tell stories.
But each human being is not just himself; it is in the same time the unique, extraordinary, anyway the important and strange point in which the nature’s phenomena meet only once in this particular way and never again the same. This is why the story of every human being is important, timeless, and divine, this is why each person is wonderful and worthy of all respect, as long as it lives and accomplishes nature’s will. In each of us there is spirit, in each of us the creation is suffering, in each of us there is a Jesus dying on the Cross.
Few people know today what the human being is. Many feel it, and this is why they die easier, as I will die easier after I will finish writing this story. I cannot call myself a wise person. I was a seeker and I still am, but I am not looking anymore in books or stars, I start to pay attention to the stories that my blood tells me. My story is not pleasant, is not sweet and full of harmony as the invented stories are, it has taste of vanity and riot, of craziness and dream as the stories of all the people that don’t want to lie each other anymore.
The life of each human being is a way to himself, the try of a path, the intuition of a path. No human being was ever fully himself; and nevertheless, each of us tends to this, one choking, the other serene, each of us as it can. Each of us carries until death the remains of its birth, plasma and egg shell of an ancestral world. One never becomes a human being, it remains frog, it remains lizard, it remains ant. Other is half human being, half fish. But each is an aspiration of the nature towards human being. The shelters are the same for all of us, the mothers, all of us, come from the same abyss, but each of us tends, as a trial and a throwing from the depth towards its own aim.
But, my story is more valuable than the one of a poet; because is mine, and it is the story of a real being, not one of an imagined one, of a possible one, of an ideal one or any other one’s, but it is the story of a flesh and blood being, unique and alive.
Today we know less than ever what is that a real human being, and this is how human beings, that are each a priceless, unique try of the nature, are shot and killed in crowds. If we would only be unique individuals, if we could be really taken out of this world with a single gunfire, than it would make no sense to tell stories.
But each human being is not just himself; it is in the same time the unique, extraordinary, anyway the important and strange point in which the nature’s phenomena meet only once in this particular way and never again the same. This is why the story of every human being is important, timeless, and divine, this is why each person is wonderful and worthy of all respect, as long as it lives and accomplishes nature’s will. In each of us there is spirit, in each of us the creation is suffering, in each of us there is a Jesus dying on the Cross.
Few people know today what the human being is. Many feel it, and this is why they die easier, as I will die easier after I will finish writing this story. I cannot call myself a wise person. I was a seeker and I still am, but I am not looking anymore in books or stars, I start to pay attention to the stories that my blood tells me. My story is not pleasant, is not sweet and full of harmony as the invented stories are, it has taste of vanity and riot, of craziness and dream as the stories of all the people that don’t want to lie each other anymore.
The life of each human being is a way to himself, the try of a path, the intuition of a path. No human being was ever fully himself; and nevertheless, each of us tends to this, one choking, the other serene, each of us as it can. Each of us carries until death the remains of its birth, plasma and egg shell of an ancestral world. One never becomes a human being, it remains frog, it remains lizard, it remains ant. Other is half human being, half fish. But each is an aspiration of the nature towards human being. The shelters are the same for all of us, the mothers, all of us, come from the same abyss, but each of us tends, as a trial and a throwing from the depth towards its own aim.
We can understand each other but we are the only ones able to explain ourselves.”
Herman Hesse - Demian
Herman Hesse - Demian
